RON HART: Taylor Swift’s Wedding — A Modest, Low-Key Affair

Just to put it up front, like most 40-year-old-and-older heterosexual men, I am not a Taylor Swift fan. If she sang at my funeral, I would get up and leave.

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I do not like her songs. But of the ones I have had to listen to, I like the fast ones the most because they end sooner.

However, I do admire her financial success, the jobs she has created, and the example she sets for some.

She has made billions on her talents and drive to find an audience, which is pre- teen and ‘tween girls who like her bubblegum music trashing ex-boyfriends. To fund her extravagant wedding, Taylor Swift’s next tour will be called the “Give Me Your Allowance” Tour.

Swift married NFL tight end star Travis Kelce. He is a sports hero; she is a celebrity “8,” which means she is a “6” with $2 billion.

By the looks of Travis Kelce’s clothing evolution, she is clearly dressing him. He has gone from a midwestern guy’s-guy type, with his blue-collar brother and his buddies, to being dressed like a cross between Vanilla Ice and Siegfried and Roy.

Kelce has all but lost his man card. He wears #87 because he is her 87th boyfriend. Kelce’s prenuptial was thicker than Gronk. But to be fair, Kelce’s walk down the aisle with Taylor Swift marks the most successful NFL tight end to tie the knot since, well, Aaron Hernandez. (RELATED: Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce Wedding Was A Cringey, Overblown Ego Trip)

Look, I could be wrong. Taylor might have gotten to the age where she wants to settle down, marry a guy instead of dating him, and then write a hit breakup song about it. If they break up, her song catalog is such that she need not explain it to him. She would hand him her iPod Spotify collection of her songs and say, “Just play track 12.”

And Travis Kelce is all in. Their agents have all this worked out. He is now getting tons of commercials, including pushing the Pfizer COVID vaccine. This ensures that no matter which way this goes, his heart gets broken.

This template is not unique to an NFL star hooking up with a celeb. Cincinnati Quarterback Joe Burrow, 29, is dating actress Jessica Alba, 44. Confirming what the Nature Channel has suggested, Bengals can and will mate with cougars.

New York Mayor Commie Mamdani, who hates billionaires, helped pay for the billionaire Madison Square Garden (nice and subtle venue) wedding with extra police and the like. Like normal rich people who have weddings in New York City, Mandani would take 70% of their wedding gifts.

Liberal Taylor Swift spoke at NYU’s graduation, which is fitting. Dating her is like college: you get nothing out of it, and you’re still paying decades later.

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Swift threatened to sue one college student who tracked her two big jets and reported on her carbon footprint. I could be next. I have two jets, but one of them is in the hot tub Jacuzzi at my condo complex, and I think it technically belongs to the HOA.

Thus, Swift is a perfect Democrat: Power over Principle. (RELATED: Taylor Swift Tries To Win Back Country Crowd, Gets Brutal Reality Check)

If their marriage were a stock, I’d short-sell it. They will be the Meghan and Harry of stage-managed media marriages. There has not been this much hoopla in NYC around a 5 getting married since Joe DiMaggio wed Marilyn Monroe.

With her high school degree and rampant narcissism, Swift pushes her liberal politics. That ensures her winning any music industry award she wants.

Since hanging around the once great, Super Bowl-winning Kansas City Chiefs, the team’s record has gone downhill. They no longer contend. And Taylor’s next award? She might be up for the Yoko Ono Award at the ESPYs for breaking up the Chiefs’ epic run this year.

She has yet to sway an election. She came out for Joe Biden. For a woman who has had terrible judgment in men, it tracked. It’s a shame Taylor did not have time to date Graham Platner.

Then she endorsed Kamala Harris, which normally would influence my vote, but I decided to wait to see whom Cardi B supported before voting.

To be fair to her politics, she did pay her team $195 million in bonus tips, in addition to their salaries, after her 21-month, 20-country “Eras” Tour in 2024. Just imagine how happy her blue-collar staff was when the No-Tax-on-Tips guy won the presidential election that year.

A libertarian op-ed humorist and award-winning author, Ron does commentary on radio and TV. He can be contacted at [email protected] or @RonaldHart on Twitter.

The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.

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