ROOKE: I Helped Other Women Create More Babies While Drinking Dirty Martinis

Interesting alcohol, children, family, motherhood, parenting, teenagers admin July 22, 2026 0 Comments

ROOKE: I Helped Other Women Create More Babies While Drinking Dirty Martinis

Welcome back to Good Life, a newsletter about navigating our modern culture and staying sane in the process. This week, we discuss the party I went to over the weekend without my children and how that inevitably led back to them.

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I was at a party over the weekend when I found myself in a conversation with a woman who told me that she and her husband had decided early on in their marriage that they wouldn’t have any children. But after a couple of years, her desire for children came on strong. They ended up having a girl about two years ago.

The couple had agreed that their daughter would be their only child, but now she finds herself wanting more children. As you probably guessed, my answer was to, of course, have another. I told her what I tell most people: One is the biggest adjustment. Two is easier than one. Three is the hardest. Four is the easiest.

There is something about even numbers where everyone has a buddy that makes things easier. I can only speak to what it’s like raising four children, but I have watched most of my sisters successfully raise more, and I feel like my statement holds up no matter the number.

She seemed a little shocked that I’d suggest to her to have another child. Maybe it’s because I was a perfect stranger, but I had a feeling that wasn’t really the reason. It seemed more likely that I had given her a completely different answer than most of her female friends and relatives.

I was about to walk away, partially because my drink was in desperate need of a refill, but also because I never want to offend people if I can avoid it, and unsolicited advice to strangers feels like a quick way to do that. But as I began politely exiting the conversation in search of another dirty martini, she began telling me how her nanny had warned them that they were raising their daughter wrong. She locked eyes with me as if to say, “Please stay, I need help.”

After a couple of failed attempts to grab my husband’s attention to either rescue me or refill my dirty martini, I gave in.

“Tell me exactly what your nanny said to you,” I responded.

She then explained that her two-and-a-half-year-old had been acting out, and their nanny warned her that they were being too easy on their daughter. She told them they would have to be stricter parents or they’d ruin the girl. Maybe it was the look on my face, but she immediately added that they had already started being stricter with her and had noticed a difference in her behavior.

“What do you think?” she asked. It’s not that she used the term gentle parenting, but it was clear from the examples she gave that they had fallen into that category.

I told her she is lucky to have another woman in her life willing to tell her the truth. Children need clear direction and distinct boundaries to thrive, especially at a young age. As they get older and start understanding how their decisions have consequences and what it means to live with the effects of those, you can give them more freedom. But until then, they will never know what a right decision looks like compared to a wrong one unless they teach her.

I explained that when I was pregnant with my first daughter, my grandmother gave me the best advice that has proven to be correct with every one of my girls.

“Mary, either you are in control, or they are. And you have to decide if you want chaos or peace in your home. If you let your children run all over you, don’t be shocked when it feels like everything is falling apart or that motherhood seems overwhelming. Children have no idea what they are doing. It’s our responsibility to teach them.”

Since she is a girl mom, I played up what a blessing it is that, as mothers, we get to be there for them as they grow into being women. We know what it means to be female. Our daughters will never have to wander into it blind because they have us. But if we don’t start building trust with them when they are young, we will lose them long before they reach puberty.

It helped that another woman was talking with us who agreed with my advice. It’s always easier when you have a little backup in situations like this.

By the time our conversation was over, she seemed intent on having another child, which, of course, made me really happy. Children are always a blessing, and more children being born is always a good thing.

I have one teenage daughter and another who is on the cusp of her teenage years. This is when motherhood gets more difficult. Some days everything runs like a well-oiled machine, and others it revolves around their emotional stability and reinforcing the parent/child dynamic in the house. Just this week, I had a moment where I had to remind my eldest daughter who was in control and that she could trust me when I correct her that I am not doing it to be mean or hurt her. I’m grounding her back into the family because this is where her safety lies.

The only reason the struggle sessions don’t drag on for days is that my husband and I began building a relationship filled with trust and love the moment she was born. She knows that she will get called out for bad behavior, and we expect her to pay the consequences. But she also knows that no matter the situation she finds herself in, we will be there to guide her and pick up the pieces with her. She will never have to figure any of this out on her own.

The best thing we can do as parents is love our children enough to guide them on how to live well.

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