Ken Paxton Makes First Big Mistake Of Senate Campaign: Going After Celsius

Texas Attorney General and GOP Senate nominee Ken Paxton announced Thursday an investigation into the popular Celsius energy drink company. Could this be the first mistake of his campaign?

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Paxton said in a statement that he will investigate Celsius Holdings Inc. over whether it misled consumers regarding the safety of its product for teens and children, citing the tragic death of a Texas teenager and her family’s subsequent lawsuit against the company.

If you have never heard of or tried Celsius, it’s far more powerful than coffee, to be sure. The Daily Caller’s Natalie Sandoval put it best: it’s “liquid adderall.” Celsius is a potent nectar that almost gives you a head rush as dizzying as a long draw of a cigarette. Your body almost vibrates when you drink it (at least that’s how my experiences have gone). Pair it with a nicotine pouch, and you are practically Superman.

So, no, kids should definitely not rip a Celsius. It’s a beverage for adults. But that being said, Celsius’ packaging on many of the cans doesn’t exactly scream: “This is a kids’ drink. Kids, come drink me now.” It’s not like these things are Hi-C or Capri Sun.

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And at the end of the day, there are far bigger fish to fry. Maybe Paxton should direct his investigative powers toward Big Pharma and prescription-happy doctors who get kids hooked for life on legalized amphetamines.

My guess is this investigation will go nowhere, and he will only piss off all the loyal Celsius drinkers who call Texas their home.

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